Recently I've been really struggling. I won't lie about it neither would I brag about it. I've been doing - no, trying to do things on my own strength. And yes, time and time again I fail. Yet time and time again He is gracious towards me. Giving me hope and showing the errors in my ways.
I've been trying to get a permanent decent job for the past couple of months now. Been really trying hard but all i got was a "sorry" or "unfortunately" reply from those boring - sorry typo - those hiring. It broke me and boy did it. I started praying for a job and guess what its been pouring in. I got an email from our pastor about a casual job for a local school needing help with troubled youth. Went, and got into the pool of people they would call if the need arises. Two weeks later a family friend wanted my CV because the company she was working with was expanding and would possibly need people. On top of that I had a part-time job at a supermarket over the weekend. But what tops it is this - I was doing my own thing on a cold Monday morning, playing the guitar and getting lost in worship in the kitchen. Why the kitchen? I don't know. There was food and it was warm there. Anyway, after finishing a song, my phone rang - my old manager at a not-for-profit organisation. As soon as I hanged the phone up, I was just gobsmacked. (Haha! I suppose you want to know what the conversation was about. Okay I'll tell you.) It was a job offer. To work with them for at least the end of the year doing the same stuff I did when I was an intern with them. Cool huh? But still I didn't learn.
It has also been in my heart to find someone, someone just someone you know what I mean. So I started praying about. Oh I was praying about it. BUT I wasn't believing He would come through for me. I was getting impatient, I was moaning, complaining, and often times found myself questioning. Despite the fact that He gave me a job when I prayed, despite the fact that He has blessed me so much, despite the fact that He was always there when I needed Him. I was trusting Him but I wasn't trusting in Him enough.
Sooooo, have you thought about the quote yet? By this time I suppose your wondering what all of these have to do with the quote at the beginning. You must be thinking I'm off on a tangent, so I'll try to bring it back as close as I possibly could. Haha.
"God doesn't want something from us. He simply wants us."
Take the context and attach it to trust. "God doesn't want us to trust Him on certain things. He simply wants us to trust Him on EVERYTHING." I was trusting Him for a job but I wasn't trusting Him on certain things like my relationships. He doesn't want you to trust Him just financially, not just physically, not just emotionally, not just mentally, not just on your exam day - rather we should trust Him on absolutely EVERYTHING. Its like inviting Him to your house to stay but leaving other areas, rooms under lock and key - forbidding Him to go and set foot on them.
I write this post as a reminder - a reminder that we should trust Him more on everything, in anything. So I write this to remind me as I face another giant, that I should trust Him for He has gone before me. He doesn't want us to trust Him on certain things. He simply wants us to trust Him in everything.
Don't be a fool like me, cause it breaks my heart to know that I had to trust Him more yet only trusted Him a little. It breaks my heart because I was in denial of the fact that I wasn't trusting Him enough. I need Him more than I thought I did. I need Him more than I could ever admit. I need Him more than I'll ever know. I NEED HIM.
I'm going all in and laying everything at His feet and trusting Him.
I'm going all in and laying everything at His feet and trusting Him.
Jeremiah 10:23 (KJV)
"O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps."
